As I write these words, I do so with the knowledge that every carefully crafted sentence will mean that some kind of unholy abuse will come down upon one of my loved ones.

Q: Do you know what the sign of a good Warden is?

A: A lower prison population.

Q: What kind of Warden has the highest rates of lockdowns, drug abuse, and an ever-growing prison population, necessitating incarcerated women to be housed in MULTIPLE off-site facilities, paid for by John Q. Taxpayer?

A: That kind of Warden is a failure. That kind of Warden is a politician.

My last five years of incarceration were filled with more abuse, terror, and threats than the previous 12 years and all my county time combined. I believe it is a direct result of the appointment of the current prison administration.  But it is my word against theirs, why? Because the Department of Corrections answers to no one.

The D.O.C is in charge of one of the most loathed populations in America, the “inmate” population. Most Americans have the humanitarian-challenged, “lock ‘em up and throw away the key” mentality. So when a woman, or man, comes forward with allegations of abuse, torture and general inhumane mistreatment, they are ignored because, “if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.” Since when did “time” include, rape, mental abuse, starvation, medical malpractice and political torture?

But I digress, it has taken me almost three years to muster up enough courage to begin scratching at the surface of all the ways prison broke me. The hardest thing, for me, about leaving prison, was who I left behind. I spent 17 years with an amazing woman; she is my best friend, my sister, my family. To this day, I have spent more time with her than I have anyone else in my life, and I had to leave her behind, in that place. My freedom makes her life harder in more ways than I can count.

As I began to write, post and blog about my prison experience, things would begin to “happen” to her on the inside, repeated unwarranted shakedowns, loss of privileges, removal from groups. I would post about what would happen, how fucked up it all is, how it does nothing to protect the public or rehabilitate, the things that happened to my friend did nothing but satisfy the power trip of the administration. With every post came another email, another phone call from her about something coming from the administration, from the Warden, completely out of left field, horrible things that would only happen to her and not the population as a whole.

I began to investigate, I spoke to her religious mentors and her visitors and I began to learn, her hardships were because of me. She was removed from a long-term religious program because of all the chaos SHE started online. My friend has never used the internet. If I gave her a device right now and told her to connect it to Wi-Fi, she would just look at me dumfounded. What the Warden meant was all of MY posts, how she was displeased with how I exercised my freedom of speech, how I talked about the abuses I endured on her watch, by her staff, but again, it’s my word against theirs, so why is she threatened to the point where she will abuse an innocent bystander, the only answer I can think of is political terrorism. What better way to get me to shut up, than to torture someone I love.

Recently, I received an email, my friend, by order of the Warden, lost her job. It was the one thing she had to look forward to each day. She was an educational tutor, she loves school more than anything and she loves to teach others, she’s amazing at it. The younger women are drawn to her, she has a motherly way, she can calm them, teach them, help them grow, but none of that matters. All that matters is that I pissed of the administration and they are getting back at me, but really all they are doing is proving me right. If I’m a liar, why go through all the trouble to get me to shut up?

Everyday I overcome my abuses a little more, but with every heartbreaking phone call and email, I’m abused all over again. It has been almost three years since I left her behind, but as long as this petty, torturous abuse by the administration continues, she and I will continue to serve our sentences together.

Q: So why do I write this?

A: For you.

Know that as you read this, the Warden’s childish, high school mean girl attitude will rear its badly highlighted head and punish my friend.  Use that knowledge to educate yourself about the MILLIONS of incarcerated men and women in America. Learn about how prisons are run by “for profit politicians” and correctional officers with nothing more than a high school education. These are not trained professionals keeping your “community safe,” they’re someone with a pulse and G.E.D., who took the job for the benefits and they stay because there really isn’t anywhere else you can work where you can get promoted just by sticking it out. Look up the application online if you don’t believe me.

I do recognize that many correctional officers risk their lives on a daily basis, and to those people I say, acknowledging the humanity in the incarcerated people you encounter every day keeps you safer on the job than micromanaging how many ramen noodles are in their footlocker. Yes, some incarcerated people SHOULD be incarcerated, but most just made one bad decision that spiraled out of control. The incarcerated are still human beings and “The Golden Rule” should apply more than pointless policies that turn incarcerated persons into faceless paychecks.

I am sure I’ll get plenty of hate mail over this post, but it can’t be worse than what I’ve already received. Funny thing about the hateful, angry people who take the time to write me, you all say the same unimaginative, badly worded, piss poor grammar things, because as I said before, Hate is not an original thought.

Q: What is my point?  Why risk my friend’s sanity and safety with yet another post?

A: The abuse MUST END.

No one, free or incarcerated, should have to live in fear of what is going to happen next. I should be able to work through what happened to me in any way I choose, so I can go on and live the rest of my life without the shadow of incarceration and abuse constantly darkening my days. I should be able to talk about what happened to me and what happened, and is happening, to hundreds, if not thousands of voiceless incarcerated people, without worrying that my loved one is being pushed to a suicidal edge.

I am writing a safety net, I am calling out an abusive administration and a careless Department of Corrections, so that if something more does happen, I called it, in writing, and I will make them answer for the horrific mental and physical abuse my loved one is suffering.

LEAVE HER ALONE!

YOU CANNOT SILENCE ME ANYMORE!

I AM NO LONGER AFRAID!

I WILL NEVER FORGET!

I WILL OVERCOME HOWEVER I CHOOSE!

YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!