Whelp, here I am, Year Six.

I wish I had some giant revelation for this year, but…meh.

In October, my divorce became final. After four years together, he got the house, which has almost doubled in value since we bought it, half of my investments and two cats.

I got my car paid off, the dogs and a lifetime questions about how many people have seen the thousands of naked photos of me he has in his possession. He still has these photos and videos because the county has decided to move at a glacial pace investigating and formally charging my pervert ex-husband.

At least once a week, I backload my tattoos into Google praying that my photos don’t pop-up on one of his frequented porn sites. The night I found the photos, I learned from his browser history, I am about 25 years older than the girls in his preferred porn, I’m also not animated, so maybe I didn’t make the cut on those particular sites.

The ick that runs down my spine when I think how much I loved and trusted that man makes me gag.

So, in the end, I think he came out ahead in the divorce.

After my divorce, I worked my ass off, got a promotion, applied for a mortgage and then started looking for a house.

Searching for a house was amazing and a bit heartbreaking at the same time. Here I was buying something that was going to be mine, no one could take it away from me. I could paint the rooms whatever color I wanted, leave dishes in the sink, let the dogs sleep on all the furniture, I was so excited. However, as I walked through all those houses, I wasn’t looking for a Main bedroom with enough space for two dressers, I wasn’t trying to find a third bedroom that would make the perfect nursery. It was a little bittersweet.

After a few months of searching, I found three houses that I liked. I put in offers, wrote letters and waited. I got lucky, one offer was accepted at just slightly above asking. After just three weeks, I closed.

It was awesome!

My friend Takiyah was my realtor, she and I had worked a terrible job together at a law firm a few years back, we both quit and stayed in touch. I was so happy to have her there for that moment, in the middle of COVID with no family close, it was nice to have a friend. I was pretty proud of myself. It was mine, all mine, and no one could take it away from me, I didn’t need anyone to help me make ends meet. I was finally on my own.

The next morning… I woke up and I couldn’t taste or smell.

Yep, COVID.

I hunkered down to ride it out. The first few days wasn’t terrible, I just felt like crap, but by day four, I was a disaster. I just started passing out for hours at a time. I went to the ER and my oxygen levels were around 70 (that’s bad). They wanted to admit me, but I lived alone with dogs, so I refused. I was sent home with an O2 monitor and lots of good wishes.

It was Christmas Eve.

I went home to my new house, empty of furniture, because the guy I was dating at the time was supposed to help me move, but instead chose to sleep with some nasty broad from the bar. Merry Christmas to me.

A friend, a U-Haul and $2,000 in “holiday moving fees” later, I got my furniture to my house and unloaded. A week later, I was back to work. For weeks after having COVID I was easily exhausted, I still cannot smell or taste correctly. I got the vaccine hoping my “long hauler symptoms” would dissipate, but no such luck. Heartbroken and exhausted, I moved forward, like I always do.

2021 had to be better, right?

At the beginning of the year, I got the opportunity to be part of a team to open and manage a 10,000 square foot restaurant in Atlantic Station. It was great money, so I took it. In the first three weeks, myself and one of my servers were sexually assualted by the drunk bar manager. I was working 70 hours a week and driving 56 miles each way. By the time I was moved to the Atlantic Station location the entire management team I was hired to work with had quit. The owner had a penchant for using racial slurs to talk about our guests and I was certain the new GM was stealing. If my past has taught me anything, its that time is much too valuable to be wasted spending it with assholes. I called my old restaurant and asked if they had room for me, when she told me yes, I put in my notice. I have never been happier about a career decision in my life.

The change in career meant a lot more personal time, so I began actively dating. I’m not going to rehash that whole mess, just read the post I wrote. All I have to say is that dating in your 40’s is like riding a bicycle, that’s on fire, through streets of lava. Twice now I have tried to turn friendships into relationships. The only thing that came of that is now I have less friends. Ugh, lesson learned, moving on.

Now before you say, “Damn Kellie, did nothing good happen this year?” I have had some awesome moments.

I went on my first beach vacation in thirty years. I got to meet my 19 year old nephew for the first time, who was my road trip buddy as we drove to Myrtle Beach to meet up with the rest of the family. I got to watch my four year-old nephew walk into the ocean for the first time and spend solid quality time with my family. There was something cathartic about floating in the ocean. It was like all those years of pain and loneliness that weigh on my soul, buoyed up in the waves. For a short time, when I walked out of the water, I felt released, clean.

The one thing I can say for Year Six, is this is the first year that my past hasn’t seriously impacted my life. I have managed to cultivate all types of new and different traumas, thanks ex-hubs, but my past didn’t stop me from having job opportunities or buying a house. It’s a refreshing change. The year had its struggles, but its nothing I can’t move on from. Most of it I can learn and heal from, some of it will just be a Google search and constant dull ache as time passes.

So, here is what I’ve learned in Year Six:

Always check for cameras

Divorce is not failure

Friends should stay friends

Dating apps are gifts from Satan

COVID is real and some of ya’ll need science in your lives

Mentally brace yourself before backloading any pictures into Google because you never know what will pop-up

Time will always be more valuable than money, but a little bit of money really helps

Family comes first (not all family is blood, because blood will fuck you over first most of the time)

Surviving is exhausting, but damn, it feels good