I am not writing this to upset you or bring up bad memories, I just wanted to let you know about a few things, if you’re willing to hear me out.

I’m sure you know your dad and I are now divorced. However, just because I divorced your dad doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you. I know things have been tense the last few years and you have had a lot on your plate for a young lady.

There was a lot that happened that I didn’t agree with, but I was at fault too. I wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared to help raise a child, there is a lot about my actions and emotions I would now change, but I can’t, I can only apologize.

At the time, I didn’t know any better, I also never felt like I could say anything, in some situations, because I wasn’t your parent or grandparent, it was a weird situation and I didn’t know how to handle it. But, that’s no excuse for my actions, I should have stood up for you.

I do want to tell you that the short time we got to spend together was some of the coolest memories I have and I think about them often. I still have our professional pictures, one of them is framed in my office next to the paintings we made together. You gave me my only experience at motherhood and I am so grateful for that since I will never have the privilege of having a kiddo of my own. You made me realize, that deep down, I always wanted to be a mom. All those good memories we have together mean the world to me.

I talk about you, I hope that’s okay.

I talk about our Halloween costumes and the day I colored your hair red because you wanted Ariel hair. Your first day of 7th grade, when I took you to Cupcakealicious and we ate the ice cream that turned our mouths blue.

Every time I see a My Little Pony or hear a Weird Al song, my heart is filled with memories of you.

I’m sorry for so many things.

I’m sorry I didn’t take your side and open my ears to you more.

I’m sorry I was a coward when it came to standing up for you.

I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to be the person you needed

I’m sorry I didn’t put you first.

You were such an amazing kid, I often think of the young woman you’ve become and how I wish I knew you now.

To me, you’ll always be Kiddo, and a piece of heart will always hold you close.