Here it is my first blog post. I’ve talked about doing this for years. In fact I wrote kind of a pseudo-blog in prison about a list of books I read. I’ll probably share a bit more about that in the future, for now, the “Why.”

Why blog about my life? Why am I worth the time? What makes me so special?

I’m not special, in fact , in the past I’ve been told that I should shut up and disappear. I was told I have “no right to be happy,” “shame on you for flaunting your happiness.” But that’s wrong, I’m not happy all the time, life is a struggle on a daily basis. Freedom is kicking my ass.

I have a violent, criminal past. Its sad and I hurt a lot of people. If you’re one of those true crime obsessives and you want the nitty-gritty details, you might as well stop reading. I’m not going to rehash what happened, I live with the memory of it everyday. I cannot change the past, all I can do is live my life a little better everyday; however, in America, that is near impossible.

In America, you are sentenced to prison to “pay your debt to society,” that debt however, is never paid. At least once a week I am reminded that I am no longer a true citizen of this country, that my past will forever haunt me, there is no starting over, there is no true “second chance.”

Its not right. I endured almost 18 years of terror and torture in prison. Emotional, mental, physical and sexual abuse. Shit I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I tried to kill myself on three separate occasions and instead of being given help, I was punished for “breaking the rules.” Suicidal behavior is against prison policy, probably because they can’t make money off you if you’re dead.

I hear, “if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime,” on a regular basis, but that’s the point, I DID THE TIME. If I could change the past, don’t you think I would! I can’t, all I can do is try to live a decent life.

Prison never ends. Most people don’t realize this because they don’t care until it affects them personally. However, it does affect them personally. Incarcerated and returning citizens impact tax dollars, neighborhoods, restaurants, stores, everyone’s daily lives. Formerly incarcerated citizens struggle, unnecessarily, in American society and it needs to change.

I plan to use this blog to write about how my sentence continues everyday. To shed a light on how truly messed up the criminal “justice” system is and what can and should be done about it.

If you’re interested, stay tuned. If you think I should burn in hell, I’ve heard it all before, so save your nasty words for someone else’s comments section.

Hate, is not an original thought.