I am not an American.

I was born in California, but I am only an occupant of America.

I pay taxes and I am a homeowner, but I cannot vote. I have no say how my taxes are spent.

In fact, I pay more money into the government than the average American. I pay hundreds of dollars a year to be on parole. I have a tough time getting a job because of my background; however, if I do not pay these fees, I will be sent back to Prison.

I have never had a “parole violation” or missed a payment. I do what I’m told, when I’m told to do it. Going back to that abusive hell is NOT an option for me. I’ll die first.

As a reward for being a “good parolee” I was given yet another fee. I now pay to call a service every month and answer yes or no questions. This phone call is another measure meant to keep the public safe. As as taxpayer, I am angry that my tax dollars are wasted in this way. As a formerly incarcerated woman, I know what the American public doesn’t. I know how pointless this monthly phone call can be. How it does nothing to keep the public safe. I am not a danger to the public, the parole system just another way for the government to profit off the formerly incarcerated, but I am not an American, what I think doesn’t matter.

I do not have freedom of speech. I can be arrested at any time, for any reason, or no reason. I am on parole, I have no rights. My agent can just point his finger and say he “thinks” I am a part of something illegal and back to prison I go. If I piss off the wrong person with what I say, I could disappear behind the fence. It’s not being over dramatic, that is how it works, I have NO RIGHTS.

I have 3 jobs and I struggle (which is very American) but I am not an American. I cannot spend the night outside of my home without permission, I cannot leave the state without being issued a special pass, I cannot drink alcohol even though I am 37 years old. I have a curfew.

I was part of something awful over 20 years ago, when I was 17 years old. I regret it every day. I spent almost 18 years in hell on earth, paying my debt to society. I was abused, told I was no longer human, that I was beneath everyone else. My abusers answer to no one, no one governs them, because the majority of Americans do not care what happens to the incarcerated. They believe the incarcerated get what they deserve, no matter if they are someone’s child, mother, father, sister or brother, once incarcerated according to the majority of the American public, they lose their humanity

Every time I am told to report, I sit for hours, waiting. Most of the time I am given 24 hours notice to report, I have to call-in and miss work, relinquishing money that I could have used to pay my parole fees, I am lucky to I have an employer that won’t fire me for calling in on short notice.

In the parole office I am not allowed to bring anything in with me but papers and I must sit on one of the rows wooden benches facing the wall. I sit and talk to the men that wait with me. Mostly black men, most younger than me. They tell me what they are made to do, the hoops they must jump through and, sadly, I am grateful I am a white woman and I benefit from America’s white privilege, that is why I do not have it as hard as they do.

Most of these men work as hard as I do, pay the same taxes and fines I do, most have no violations, but they are harassed and they regularly have their houses and cars torn apart by their agents for no other reason than the obvious.

America is the only democratic country that does this to the formerly incarcerated, the only country that holds a person’s mistakes over their head for the rest of their life. America does so with the support and encouragement of a judgmental and misunderstanding public.

I am not an American and that is not my choice, but America’s.