There are many reasons why I write this blog; therapy, awareness and recovery are just a few. I also write because I want to be a part of changing the criminal “justice” system, prison reform/abolition and erasing the stigma the formerly incarcerated face upon reentry into the “free” world.

Recently, there has been a large public push for sentence reductions and commutations for those who have been convicted of drug and other “non-violent” offenses, as there should be. There are hundreds of men and women serving time for crimes that have since been reduced to misdemeanors or life sentences for drugs that are now legal, it’s appalling. Men and women are forgotten and disregarded because they are incarcerated. This push has gained a strong foothold due to a lot of high profile backers, Van Jones, John Legend, Kim Kardashian, Lester Holt are current examples. Sadly, there has been a lot of push back within criminal justice circles because these people are celebrities and have never felt the trauma of incarceration or reentry themselves. They’ve brought attention to an important issue in this country, it’s glossed over attention, but it’s something. I, personally, am not upset and hope a more genuine representation comes in the future. Sorry Lester, but that cell was REALLY clean.

My issue is that the focus on non-violent crimes perpetuates the opinion that those who are incarcerated for violent crimes are not worthy of rehabilitation or justice efforts and that is just not true. I also have issues with Orange is the New Black, which I alluded to in my last post. I don’t know how many times I have been asked, “Was it like Orange is the New Black?” Nope, Nope, not at all. OITNB is a fictional show, while it does touch on issues the incarcerated face; the dark humor and fictional storylines largely over shadow the very real issues the show lightly touches on. Honestly, I don’t enjoy being asked if I know a “Crazy Eyes” or which I character I most related to. The answers are NO and NONE! I’m frustrated that this show is the biggest public “representation” for female incarceration out there.

I live my life as an example of how people with violent convictions are worthy of a second chance and I am not the only one. I know amazing women who were in the same place as me, they got out and flourished, they started families, have careers, give back in their communities, they are worthy members of society, but you’ll never know who they are. These women stay in the shadows and live with the fear they will lose everything if anyone finds out about their past, they are not wrong.

When I wrote my article on LinkedIn, the overwhelming opinion from business owners, bosses and HR departments was they would hire a person with a felony, as long as it was a non-violent felony. The funny thing is, those convicted of non-violent crimes, drugs, theft, money-related crimes, etc, all have a much higher rate of reoffending than those convicted of violent crimes. Women who are convicted of violent crimes rarely reoffend. I would love to give you the statistics on this, but there are no true statics. In all of the studies I’ve read, reoffending percentages are calculated by how many times the person was arrested after release. These statistics are skewed, because it doesn’t state if the person “reoffended,” meaning committed another same or similar crime, just that they were arrested. Arrests could be any type of parole violation, not a new crime. Studies regarding women, specifically, are almost non-existent.

Over the last four years, I have reached out to many formerly incarcerated people who are active members in the prison reform and criminal justice movements. The people I wrote to have captured the public eye, one wrote a book and was featured on a popular CBS reality show, another founded a well respected reform organization, others are public speakers and business owners; ALL were convicted of non-violent crimes or exonerated. Most replied to me, I got a lot of talk about help, guidance to becoming part of the movement, but no actual action, just a lot of empty words. The public faces of the prison reform and criminal justice are those faces, and records, that are non-threatening to the public, meaning non-violent. This is my issue.

If you are still reading this, you may be asking “Why I care?” My husband put it best when he said that apples and oranges may be fruit, but they’re not the SAME fruit. It’s an analogy that applies to violent and non-violent records. We all struggle, but the struggles are VERY different.

Those who reenter society with a violent past have higher and very different hurdles in front of them, but those who publicly represent change and restoration in reform communities do not truly understand how hard it can be, just like I do not understand how to navigate the particular hurdles set for those with non-violent convictions. Does any of this make sense to anyone but me?!?

Just once I would like to see someone who represents ME, or better yet, I would like to represent me. The most publically visible person representing those with violent pasts is Shaka Senghor and he has the backing of Oprah, which makes him much more palatable to the public. Oprah is cancelled, so now what? I could write a book, but I still don’t want to, I can barely handle the criticism and general nastiness I get from these posts and I still haven’t had the courage to read the comments on our Rare Love interview. I don’t have to worry about comments on the article because Rare Life took it down, I guess my life/love story isn’t palatable enough for them. How do I show the world that I, and hundreds of people like me, are worthy of a second chance? How do I put the struggles I face into a public forum so that there is a fair representation of incarceration and reentry struggles within the reform community? When will the restorative communities that advocate for others actually back those who are less popular with the public?

I have none of these answers and I’m not sure if I’m even asking the right questions. Maybe I’m asking for more than I can handle and those women who faded into the background upon reentry have the right idea. Maybe the public and the reform community will never be ready to acknowledge that EVERYONE should not be judged by the worst mistake they ever made.

Maybe?